Goodbye
by snowwy-night-sky
Summary: "Natsu, could you hold my hand?" I asked as I held my hand out. I can see that he got curious but still took my hand. "Natsu…I'm tired already." I said as I looked at his eyes.


**Okay so this is my first fairy tail fanfic so please be nice ^^**

**Disclaimer: I don't own fairy tail. Hiro Mashima does.**

_******6/21/2013 EDIT: Okay, it's been more than a year since I first posted this but I still get reviews and faves for this story. And you guys asked for the Natsu's POV one. Unfortunately, I left my notebook back in Philippines where the story is written. And I promised someone that I will write Natsu's POV but I really cannot find the time to do so. So instead, I edited this story to make it less horrible and to make up for not writing Natsu's. I did not change the plot, just added and edited some things.******_

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><p>I lay in a hospital bed with the curtains drawn and lights off. As I move slightly, I can feel the wires that are attached to my body make themselves known. The machines beeped loudly, as if it's mocking me, telling me that there's no hope for me anymore. That I'm dying. I looked around once more, to see if there is something in this room that will not remind me of death but I immediately regretted doing so because it made me think about sad thoughts. Just about everything in this room seems to scream my upcoming death. The bleached white walls, devoid of life. The curtains blocking sunlight from pouring inside this room. Just….everything.<p>

Death. I have known that word for a very long time. The first time I learned everything about that word was when my mother died. As much as I hate to admit it but I _was_ once an heiress and being a daughter of a wealthy family meant that I have to study harder than most of the children around my age do. At a very young age, I already know a lot of hard words that sometimes even adults have difficulty pronouncing. But death is a subject that they did not teach me. My mother was against the idea of teaching it to me. I laughed at the irony. The person who did not want me to know the meaning of the word was the one who introduced me to it directly. Or maybe indirectly. I'm not really sure.

I was pulled out from my thoughts when I heard the door open and came in Natsu grinning like an idiot, ready to tell me what happened in the guild today. As I stared at him, I realized just now that he visits me by himself. Just him. No Happy, who is his bestfriend-forever-and-I-won't-go-anywhere-without -him by his side. My friends and guildmates visits me in groups. Like Levy with Jet and Droy flocking her side. Even Gajeel and Lily's with her. Natsu visiting me alone makes me wonder why. He enters the room with a grin then when he leaves he walks backwards smiling, telling me that he will visit me again tomorrow.

"Hiya Luce!" he greets me as he pulls a chair beside me to sit down. I noticed that his clothes were a bit tattered, making me wonder if he had a fight with someone.

"Hi. Had a fight with someone?" his eyes lost some sparkle in them and his smile faltered for a bit. Not that I'll tell him that I noticed. He'll just tell me that it was probably my imagination. And I'll want to hit him in the head because he's denying it and making a jab at my always-on-the-run-and-imaginative mind. But right now, I am lacking the energy to do so. Even keeping my eyes open seems like a very strenuous effort for me. But I tried my damndest to keep them from closing.

"Yeah. Had a fight with Gray. You know, our usual banter. Nothing to worry about." Now that was strange. He stopped fighting with Gray when I fell ill.

He was about to tell me about what happened today at the guild when I beat him to it. I have something to say to him. "Natsu, could you hold my hand?" I asked as I held my hand out. I feel like I'm going to pass out from the exertion but I just breathed in deeply and waited for him to take it. I can see that he got curious but still took my hand. And when he finally did, I sighed in relief.

"Natsu… I'm tired already." I said as I looked at his eyes. The same eyes that used to twinkle with mischievousness. The same eyes that I used to stare every night, as we laid down in my bed. In my apartment. With our legs tangled with one another while he ran down his fingers down my back but would stray to tickle my side. My eyes watered from the memory, blurring my vision so I blinked, willing the tears to go away. Or at least, fall down my cheeks. But the blurriness is still there. I raised my other hand to scratch my eyes. Still blurry.

"Oh, then maybe I should leave-"

"No. Stay. I need to tell you something." I cut him off. The thought of him leaving me now when I needed him the most makes me feel sad and my heart feels like it's breaking into two pieces.

I have always thought that Natsu was dense. It was already given when we first started our relationship. And that was the very first thing that entered my mind when I first met him. Second was stupid. I mean, I didn't know at first that he's trustworthy, considering that we were complete strangers when we first met. But it seems that I have underestimated him. He had caught up on what I am trying to say.

"I'm tired." I rasped out. His eyes watered and he lowered his head. I felt my heart clench. I am currently looking at a destructive person who always managed to smile even while he is suffering, on the verge of tears. Natsu has always been a cheerful person. But it seems that his cheerfulness was thrown out of the window. All because of me. And to think that, just a few months ago, just last year, I was the main source of his happiness. Ha. Such irony.

"I have been fighting for my life for the past year. And… no matter what kind of war you are in, you'll feel exhausted and you'll want to rest." I felt him grip my hand tighter an rested our joint hands under his chin and I looked at him. He had his head down and his hair is covering his eyes and the shadow it casted hid his eyes. He is biting his trembling lip, on the verge of crying.

"I knew that….. the day will come where I have to die. Where I have to rest infinitely. I just did not expected that it will be this early." He kept staring down. I have long tore my eyes on him to stare at the ceiling. And to be honest, even my own words are making myself cry.

"When I was diagnosed with this heart disease, at that very moment, I already saw my life flashing right before my eyes. I was in denial at first but as my illness progressed, I started to accept it." Tears started to well up in my eyes but did not fall. I looked at our entwined hands and I thought, if we were on a different situation, I would have scolded him for gripping my hand tighter than necessary but right now, this is what I need.

"As the days went by, there was a little hope in my heart. I kept on hoping that there might be a way for me to live. But I realized that no matter how much I hope, it won't change the fact that I'll die much earlier." I can vividly remember the time when even I tried to help the doctors find a cure. I was that desperate to live, but not for myself. I wanted to live for Natsu. He already lost his most important person. I didn't want to give him another heartbreak.

"Then I told myself, when the end comes, I'll be ready. I'll be strong. But now…" I trailed, swallowing thickly.

"I'm scared!" by now the tears are falling I did not try to stop them. I just let them flow as I gripped his hand tighter. His head was still down as I continued, but my blurry vision can barely see the tears falling down from his eyes down to out entwined hands. And by now, my hands are completely numb.

"I'm scared! I don't want to die yet! I still have many thing I want to do!" he let go of my hand. I immediately longed for the contact but was surprised when he got up and hugged me as I wailed.

"I still want to finish my novel! I want to go to missions with you and Gray and Erza and Happy." I felt something wet drip on my shoulder and I realized that Natsu's still crying. "I want to see the rainbow sakura bloom again. Then I'll be with you and the others under it while playing bingo or something. Then Mira will sing a song. Juvia will snuggle closer to Gray, Happy offering his fish to Charle, Bisca will play with Asuka and Alzack will look at them with happiness twinkling in his eyes." He held me much tighter and I feel like I'll break but I could care less. He is seeking comfort from me as I was seeking comfort from him.

"Then as Mira prepares for a new song, Erza and Wendy will shout 'Bingo!' . Maybe this time Erza will win a decent prize. And Evergreen will tease Elfman, making him rant about manliness. Levy would be reading a book with Gajeel and Lily with her side." I was starting to sob, making it much harder to talk but I continued nonetheless. I continued to rant my fantasies to him. Fantasies that, I know, deep down, will turn into reality without me there to witness everything.

"I want to pay my rent, I want to buy those boots on sale displayed on that store we passed by before. I want to set Levy and Gajeel up so that they will confess their feelings for each other." I was laughing and crying at the same time, thinking how childish I sounded. Natsu is sobbing too and I stroked his hair, remembering the times I used to touch it every chance I got.

I broke the hug to look at him as I continued "I still want to get married, start a family and then as time pass by, I want to sit on a rocking chair on a porch with you beside me, both of us old and grey, watching our grandchildren run around. I still want to be with you. I want to be with you much longer." I caress his left cheek, run my thumb on his lower lip and I gaze at his eyes. My heart beats faster (well, as fast as my heart can beat as of this moment), making the machine beep louder but we ignored it. But what I can't ignore is that I'm getting weaker. I can feel that I only have a few minutes or so. And it seems that Natsu can feel it too because he hugged me once again.

"Did you know that, when I found out about this disease, I have considered writing a letter for you, saying that… I want to break up with you and that you should forget everything about me and find a new love and be happy. Is it wrong to….. to wish for your loved one's happiness?" if we were on a different circumstance I would have laughed at how cliché the thought sounded but I can't waste any time. My time is running out and I have to say everything I want to say.

If it is possible to cry harder than I have cried earlier then I'm doing it right now. "But I can't! The thought of us separated is heartbreaking. I also want to say I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for making you suffer with me and making you feel lonely." My voice wa growing weaker and weaker, just like my heart. And for the first time I started talking, he talked.

"No. If anything I should be thanking you. Thank you for crashing into my life. Thank you for making my life brighter. Thank you for loving me. Never once did I blame you for my sadness. I know that if I hadn't met you, I wouldn't be this sad. But if I hadn't met you, my world would never be happier, I would have never experienced love. So, thank you." his voice croaked as he finished. We were crying but we did not bother to wipe the tears. I felt myself smile, knowing that I made the right decision by staying. My heart was beating much much weaker. I reached for his face and caressed it one last time.

"Thank you….for…everything." I smiled, readying myself for my last breath and last words. I saw him turn his head towards the door and I saw him say, maybe shout something. But I can't be sure. I can't hear anything anymore.

I kissed him on the lips and looked at his grief-stricken face one last time. It's not something that I really want to see right now but I won't complain.

I sucked in a deep breath.

"I love you."

I closed my eyes.

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><p><em><strong><strong><strong>621/2013 EDIT: I am currently studying to be a nurse and I was told that the loss of senses are one of the signs that you're near the end. Although I forgot to ask if it's months before or while you're...you know. I admit that I'm not that knowledgeable yet, so forgive me what I wrote is completely wrong. ******_

**So... there ya go! Inspiration struck me last month but I was not able to write it down. 1 word. Procrastination. Then last week, i started working on this. Writing ideas and some dialogues. Then my father saw what i have wrote down and scolded me. So i decided to write dialogues on my phone. Then yesterday, while raining I started on writing. I wanted to post this next week since today is Valentine's day in my country and i don't want people reading a sad story. but... i changed my mind**

**My inspiration for this one was the story my best friend told me. He said that before his grandmother died, she said that she can feel that her time has come and then when she said her goodbyes she died. I also based this on what I heard (can't remember where) that the start of a relationship is one of the happiest times in a person's life.**

**And yes, if you are still wondering, Natsu and Lucy are already a couple.**

**I also wrote one in Natsu's POV, but i don't know if i should post it or not. I mean, it has the same dialogue and everything but the difference is that we know what Natsu is thinking and what he did after Lucy died. Tell me if i should post it or not.**

**so... please review *does the oh so popular puppy dog eyes***


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